My mom tells me I came home from preschool with a note attached to my shirt that said "Beth accepted Jesus as her Savior today." Of course I don't remember this since I was 3 or 4 years old. I spent a lifetime doubting my salvation. Asking Jesus into my heart every time there was an invitation. I remember fear overtaking me as a child when we would sing a song that required you to stand on the day of the week you got saved. "It was on a Monday that Jesus set me free." I had no clue what day of the week I asked Jesus into my heart.
When people would talk about giving your testimony, I again would sense fear. I wasn't set free from a life of serious addictions or childhood pain. Later in life, God showed me that Him keeping me from a life like that IS my testimony. It takes a mighty work of God either way. My testimony is still powerful because I was going to hell.
I still have to be aware of when the enemy tries to lead me into doubt in this area. I'm not trusting in anything I have done for salvation. I put my trust in Jesus Christ and Him alone to save me.
Romans 4: 20 changed my life. It says, "Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised." This verse is talking about Abraham believing God would give him a son. The words lept off the page to me one day. "YET HE DID NOT WAVER THROUGH UNBELIEF." God spoke to me. That's what I had been doing my whole life... wavering in unbelief. I never realized it was an action I was doing. I can't imagine how easy it would have been for Abraham to go down that road in his thought process (the what if thoughts.) But he chose not too. Faith is not wavering in unbelief.
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I love you! Thanks for being so vulnerable with this blog post. I think it will help a lot of folks who wonder if their testimony would make an impact, and now they know it will. I know that I was saved at a young age and when asked to provide my testimony I sometimes think it won’t have as much impact as someone saved late in life that may have experienced a life altering change (drugs, etc..). You are so right about God saving me from those things, love that perspective.
ReplyDeleteYou all know that I happen to have one of those testimonies of being saved from all kinds of mess and as much as I hate having gone through those things in my life I am now grateful for them. However, I need people like you Beth in my life as I raise my own children. Your testimony is the one that gives me hope. Hope that my children do not have to go through what I did, hope that their lives can be lived without a lot of tough lessons. I pray that each of my children would have your very testimony...minus the doubting of course :-). Bottom line though like you said , regardless of our testimonies we have all been spared from hell. Thank you Lord!
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